Jump for joy? The Catch.

Goodbye, Aaron Heilman. I never liked you.

The Mets announced soon after that they had acquired J.J. Putz in a 12-player deal with the Mariners and Indians, sending relievers Aaron Heilman and Joe Smith, outfielder Endy Chavez and four prospects out of New York in exchange for Putz, outfielder Jeremy Reed and right-handed reliever Sean Green. (MLB.com)

Goodbye, Endy Chavez. You delayed the inevitable with the greatest defensive effort I've ever seen on television. I wish I had your bobble-head watching me as I type this blog.

Although not mentioned in the above block quote, one of the four prospects traded away was the dreaded Jason Vargas. I knew he was traded for Matt Lindstrom (silly Minaya). I didn't know he debuted the day Al Leiter was fired.

I won't talk about Putz, who isn't happy:

"It's not the ideal situation, but having the two of us at the back of the bullpen will be pretty strong," Putz said in a telephone interview on Wednesday night. "I will not change my approach at all. I will close the game in the eighth and give the ball to Frankie." (MLB.com)

or K-Rod until April.

Plenty of offseason chatter

Now that it's officially the offseason, here's this from the NYTimes.com:

Why not forbid any bank receiving taxpayer money to purchase naming rights to sports stadiums and arenas? Citigroup is handing the Mets something like $20 million a year to call their new stadium Citi Field. Surely, the Mets do not need Citigroup’s money — not to mention yours — to keep failing to make the playoffs.

That's from Clyde Haberman joshing the banks about ATM fees and non-working pens.

Non-working 'pens indeed!!!1!1!1!!!!!!

Here's a link to Clyde's article, in case he needs the cross-site linking love.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/31/nyregion/31nyc.html

And...

...the blog won't end here. Every once in awhile, when I get the chance, I will break down the season, the players, and provide the evidence for why each and every man wearing a Mess jersey should be fired.

...I won't follow the postseason.

...the Mess will never get another dollar from me.

I'm done

The worst result happened tonight.

But you already know that.

I try to keep the swearing to a minimum, but not right now.

Fuck them all to fuck, I say. Fire everyone. Start the Brooklyn Cyclones as the New Mets to christen the new ballpark.

Dog days

A few things:

1. Staten Island. - I visited my hometown from the 17th to the 24th. During that span, the Mess pulled some real bullshit. Exhibit A is on the right. Jason Marquis is from Staten Island, hates the Mess, and exacted his revenge. Currently, I don't disagree. Also, I might've mentioned this before, and I will again, the Mess have once again given someone his first, and if we look at our list, I think the Mess gave the last 3 pitchers to hit slams their first each. (I'd have to check the stats on Dontrelle, that homer hitting machine.)

I need to also say this: I've been keeping this blog catching pieces of games. Just enough to know what's going on. I'm a busy guy not getting paid to write this stuff. I watched the Mess lose Wednesday night from the (dis)comfort of my JetBlue seat. It was the first full game I watched this season. This happenstance leads me to

2. No clutch. Tonight Beltran won for us in the 9th. It's about time you with your excellent defensive effort (EDE) but looking-at-strike-three all too often. But, wtf about last night, David Wright? A man on third with no outs in a tied game in the bottom of the ninth. How about a bunt? No one would've seen it coming, and no one would've thought less of you, David, because you would've been the hero we've been waiting for since Darryl and Keith and Ray and Mookie and... back to

1. Staten Island. - I had some good pizza and White Castle. I caught some games on the idiot box. I spent most of my time not doing so because the Mess were going through a nice 5-5 span over ten games. Real nice.

3. I don't like losing. - I extend this to people with whom I associate. There are three games left. Three games we need to win like Italy needed that guy to make that penalty shot in the '94 World Cup, and, although he was the country's hero, he quickly cemented himself as the lame goat who shouldn't've been there because he was gimpy. The Mess are 9-6 against the Fishies. The Brewers are 5-8 against the Cubs. The Cubs are happy to split with the Mess. The Mess are happy to split with the Cubs, even though they should be f'ing pissed, full of murderous rage and ready to eat lightning and crap thunder (if it's even appropriate to reference Rocky when talking about the Mess).

4. Contract the Expos. - Awhile back, my friends, including Joe_bu, and I went on a baseball road trip during that messy time when we almost lost a professional baseball team or two to contraction. We went to Pittsburgh to see the Pirates beat the Brewers in the bottom of the ninth on our way to see the Mess beat the Indians and White Sox in consecutive games. I sat next to a girl who had less than half of her natural teeth who was from Milwaukee and rooting for her team. We had giant posters that stated, "Hey Bud, contract the Mets!" The cameras never picked our posters for broadcast. I've digressed. I've never rooted for the Nationals as hard as I will for these next three games, not even the last three games of last year, and that was the hardest rooting I've ever done for any team not named Mess or New York Football Giants.

5. Scheduling algorithm? - Slay the computers and people who make the MLB schedules. They should just take one look and say, "Hey, these teams are playing the same teams to finish off this season as last. Maybe we should change that." They didn't.

6. Uniform. - I am the proud new owner of a Mess jersey that reads "ABORT" as the last name. Soon enough, all the contributors to this blog will each have their own.

The circle is now complete.

I don't really know who reads this site. Maybe just its authors? Or maybe the Force is real, and there's a Death Star looming around, and a certain Tie-Fighter made it's way to Washington, D.C.

Eleven days ago, I looked at the Mess' upcoming schedule and saw that we had to face Darth Vader tonight, and that our playoffs hopes were dashed.

You might remember my post about prognostication. You might read it soon. Or never.

What you will remember is the night the Mess lost 1 - 0 to the worst team in the National League.

Hall of Fame-bound
Odalis Perez
on the mound.

I'm also a member of a poetry blog. bandersnatchery.blogspot.com.

playoffs pitching playoffs pitching playoffs pitching...

Hmm.

Hrm..

Groan...

NO!!!!!!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!11!!!!!!1!!!

If we make it to the postseason, we might all, as die-hard fans (not Die Hard fans, but maybe some of us are, yippie ki yay) make these same noises, as what happened at the end of Sunday's game... as I did so vigorously, aided my my megaphone, at the end of the Mess' World Series bid against Yadier Molina some time ago.

We don't even really have a focus for our rage and scapegoating. No Heart Attack Johnny. No I'm-Gonna-Bang-This-Baseball-Against-My-Cup- To-Show-You-What-A-Man-I-Am Armando (I should've always been an 8th inning setup man) Benitez. We have to yell at a bunch of guys all at once. I'm glad I have a megaphone.

make or break? try? no...do or do not.

I was going to talk about the Mess v. Philthies.

Then I saw this:


The Mess have to face Darth Vader... on the road. That's it - our playoffs hopes are dashed.

Rick Peterson, Greatest Pitching Coach Ever

Every once in a while, the players offer a crack of daylight into the secret world of Major League Baseball. Ben Shpigel had this in today's NYT article:

Pelfrey’s has improved the command of his fastball, particularly down in the strike zone, and he has integrated a curveball into his repertory again. That came at the recommendation of Dan Warthen, who succeeded Rick Peterson as the Mets’ pitching coach on June 17, and Pelfrey recalled exactly why he stopped throwing it. During a bullpen session in September 2006, Pelfrey failed to throw a strike in 19 out of 20 pitches. Afterward, he said, Peterson told him never to throw the pitch again.

I went on an interview the other day where I had to write some code on a whiteboard, which is the worst way to gauge programming prowess - me in a monkey suit, they with their grimaced visages watching the guy in the monkey suit make all kinds of mistakes he wouldn't ordinarily make because he's nervous and in a monkey suit - and they didn't want to hire me because of my poor grasp of the programming language.

Now, I'm no pitching coach, but if I saw a guy not throw a pitch for a strike 19 out of 20 times, I'd make the guy try to throw it for a strike for another few hundred times before declaring the pitch off-limits.

We could've spared ourselves so many losses at the hand of Pelfrey and his one pitch of varying speeds and unvarying flatness that made me and so many other fans grimace ourselves.

A bet

My cousin and I made a bet - not for money or anything - on whether the Mess would be in first place by the end of this week.

We're at the precipice, I guess. The Philthies have a good chance tonight against a Larry-less Atlanta team tonight, and who knows what aberration might happen tonight - normally the Mess like to give rookies their firsts - wins, home runs, home runs by a pitcher, kiss from Morgana - but they beat the hell out of the Cards' rook going tonight, Boggs. The Cards might do better if they let Wade Boggs throw the first three innings. Wouldn't that be a great addendum to Mess shame lore.

Ha! Mess shame lore.

Shocker

There's one in the stink alright. Anyone who is surprised that Moises Alou is done for the season, possibly for his career, raise your hand....



Anyone who raised their hand is a liar.

"I told you so," or "Ya gotta believe?"

I'm thinking of reserving my new post until after tonight's game.

While it seems as if writers at CBS and SI are reading this blog, or scanning my brain (and Joe_bu's), I don't think anyone else is, so who cares if I predict the score? Oh, yeah, that whole probability thing, and why I don't bet on sports.

I'm rambling. My brain is as much a mess as The Mess.

Tony Awards

Jerry Manuel is following in the footsteps of Sweeney Todd and West Side Story; he's whipping out the knife and he's gonna start cutting.

If the Mets turn into a bad off-Broadway musical, God knows they've already got enough drama, then I officially quit the world.

Good Morning Sunshine

Now get lost.

How bad are the Mets that they can't even fire their manager the right way. They make the move that everyone wanted, but look like a bunch of jack-asses in the process. Woke up this morning to Scandal's 1982 classic "Goodbye to You" and found out Randolph is gone. After a win. In California. Announced by a 3:15AM EST (What the fuck, Omar?) press release.

I'm starting to believe Minaya doesn't understand the concept of time. Maybe that's why he's leaning on a first baseman and an outfielder from the Mesozoic.

A fitting title...

Some might think I haven't been blogging because I'm so upset at the Mess' play.

Some might think I've been too busy, or lost interest.

I'd say it's because I know.

And you know.

These Mets, like so many others, need to be aborted.

Can't hit. Can't pitch. No clutch.

None of them deserve to be All Stars.

Tiered Ticket Prices and April Results

I despise tiered ticketing schemes. With a passion. All these price changes based on who the team is playing and when tells me is that management believes their team isn't good enough to make money on it's own. Kind of a slap to the face for the fan, huh? "We're not going to field a good team for you to see, so now we want you to pay more to see a team that knows what it's doing." Now that's bad if you're, say, Pittsburgh. (Pittsburgh, by the way, is a perennial loser and needs every dollar it can get. They do not have a tiered pricing plan. Tickets are the same no matter what. The only teams that have full breakdowns of their schedule are the Mets, both Chicago teams and Toronto. Great company to be in.)

But lets say you're a team that claims to be good. A World Series contender. What does it tell your fans then? "We're a good team, but if you want to see the good games, you're going to pay even more for it." I say "Bullshit", but I also say, "You better fucking win."

So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep track of the Mets home game by month, and see just how much the fans are paying, on average, for wins and losses. And along comes April.

April had 14 home games, in which the Mets went 9-5. Of the 14 games, there was 1 Platinum game, 8 Bronze games and 5 Value games. Based on a sellout of Shea, the average price for a seat for a Platinum game is $64.90, Bronze is $34.45 and Value is $28.36 (Gold is $52.73 and Silver is $46.64, but they don't start till May 30.)

Platinum - 1 Loss at a total price of $3,657,115
Bronze - 5 Wins for a total price of $8,516,453.40
3 Losses for a total price of $5,511,655.50
Value - 4 Wins for a total price of $5,601,918.78
1 Loss for a total price of $1,611, 846.60

Total price for wins - $14,118,372.18
Total price for losses - $10,780,617.10

Price per win = $1,568,708
Price per loss = $2,156,123.42

If we take the one Platinum loss out of the equation, the prices per win/loss start to be closer to even. But that's the point, isn't it? That opening day, Platinum stinker that the Mets put up certainly didn't make anyone feel like they got their money's worth, did it? No one wants to pay Porsche prices for a Hyundai.

Prognostication

I am not in the business of telling, you, myself, or anyone, what people are going to do in the future. That is a fool's business. Or a psychic's. I am neither.

Extrapolation, on the other hand, is rooted in mathematics. Now, I'm not about to rattle my SABRE, heh, but I will say that the first couple of innings usually tell me what the end result will be. The key word is usually, and I'll get back to that.

The Mess were done before they started last night. They looked dead. Who knows how many of them even knew Eaton's record against them? As it is, those wonderfully didactic ESPN commentators let us know that knowledge of the opposing pitcher was varied and inaccurate based on interviewing a few of the Mess players, and then, for reasons still unknown to me, bifurcated the answers into those from right-handed batters, and the lefties. As if left-handedness improves? memory. (Yes, there's a question mark before the end of the sentence. Use your right- or left-handedness to figure it out.)

Whether we assume the entire team, or no one, knew of Eaton's success, both extrapolation and prognostication can fail for one very simple reason - the independence of events.

Probability models show that if you flip an unbiased coin infinite times, you'll get a 50-50 split on average. In actuality, you will be hard pressed to even flip the coin just ten times to get 5 heads and 5 tails. And that's just a coin! Imagine all the factors at play just for one pitch from a pitcher. I'm not going to list any of them - the situation is already mind-boggling.

So, on average, with a pitcher who's been successful against the Mess on the mound, and the players looking like they're getting ready to do their taxes instead of playing ball, I'm going to turn off the game and find something less heartbreaking to do.

Yes, they did get to Eaton in the sixth. Yes, the Mess fans were cheering in the stands. But then that guy who was hitting all those homers ahead of or behind Bonds in San Francisco put one out. And Feliciano had no business pitching against him. I don't care what his numbers are against right-handed batters.

And then Rollins' sub put the nail in the coffin. The Mess are pissed, and didn't hide their feelings from the reporters.

And how did I spend my Sunday? I got some work done, and came up with the idea for this article.

Get this guy some plastic surgery

But not the "lets lose these wrinkles" surgery, or "hey look at the big boobies" surgery. Lets make Angel Pagan look old. Maybe that way we can trick management into thinking he's so old that he should play left field every day. Right now he's hitting like Moises Alou, but without the walker and osteoarthritis.

Pedro Martinez - 2008 Cy Young Runner-up

April Fool's...

Johan Santana to have Tommy John surgery

Ha Ha! A poor April Fools joke? No. A dark prophesy waiting to come true. Yep.

Met trades seem to come back and bite them in the ass, and this one started to loosen its jaw yesterday.

Johan Santana - 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 runs, 2 walks and 8 K's with the win.

Carlos Gomez - 2 for 3 with a double, a walk, 2 runs and 2 stolen bases.

Keep those knee tendons loose Johan, your elbow's going to need it.